National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

"Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer..."

It's sad to see what has become of the 'National Lampoon' name these days; it was sold off years ago and is now used pretty much as a 'cash in' only name on poor teen sex movies - a far cry from what was once a highly regarded moniker in American comedy. Having never read the magazine itself, I only have the films to go by, but my childhood wouldn't have been the same without the Griswold's hilariously sad attempts at going on holidays - be it Wallyworld, Europe or Christmas. There was always just something special about the films, the kind of comedy joy that made you tune in every time they were due to show on TV, no matter how often you had seen them. Even though time has dulled the edges on at least one of those films - European Vacation just doesn't hold up very well for me -  Christmas Vacation still gets a screening in this house every year.

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Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)

"Listen sister, if I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you."

For myself growing up in secluded, 1980's Ireland, I never really understood what the whole 'Elvira' thing was about. We didn't have horror hosts on our native TV stations, and seeing her presenting her well-loved show certainly wasn't a possibility. I have vague recollections of noticing some sort of 'Elvira presents...' series on VHS, but the only real exposure I had to her cult phenomenon was from staring/drooling at the VHS sleeve above. Sadly, I knew, there was no way my mother was going to let me come home with that one. Even worse was the alternate sleeve (below) which really went for the more obvious sex appeal for the meat-head males out there. So, being deprived of her charms in my youth, just how well does her persona hold up today?

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Club Paradise (1986)

"I could have done that dive if I didn't have the diarrhea."

Club Paradise is proof of that age-old Hollywood saying; "You're only as good as your last movie". The film was such a commercial and critical failure that it effectively killed of Harold Ramis' career as a director for nearly ten years, despite the string of hits he had attached to his belt prior to this. Despite the high profile cast, the film was still garnered with Razzies, and floundered onto VHS - it has still yet to receive a DVD release in the UK. Now that the dust has settled nearly 30 years later, does it still live up to its reputation? or has time healed all wounds?
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Summer School (1987)

"You passed and I failed! You asshole! How could you do that to me?"

It's the last day of school, and most kids are dreaming of the unknown pleasures of what lies ahead that summer. Hanging with friends, going on holidays, lazing by the beach during the day before heading to the endless parties at night. When you are a teenager, the summer really does feel endless, and the thoughts of school never come into play until you start realising the evenings are getting shorter, and the inevitable is about to happen: all good things must come to an end.

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Six Pack (1982)

"Kick his ass, Brewster! Don't take that shit from this fungus faced toad sucker!"

Recovering from a car crash that almost put him off the road permanently, rugged, bearded, Brewster Baker (Kenny Rogers; Kenny Rogers as The Gambler) sets out on the trail of a comeback, taking him on the road towards the the racing circuit and back into the spotlight after his dramatic drop out. Unfortunately for him, he stops off in a small, hicksville town and has a bunch of parts stolen from his car strapped to the back of his motor home. Only a short time later, he catches the same van ripping off what's left of his vehicle, which he takes off after in his motor home. He manages to run the culprits off the road and makes a startling discovery: the criminals are a bunch of kids.

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Private School (1983)

"Bubba says we did it once and it was very good for both of us, but I was passed out, so I don't remember a thing."

Private School was the very definition of the type of film I wasn't allowed rent when I was a kid. My mother definitely wasn't stupid; sure, if you looked at the poster and saw just the sweet couple kissing, you might think it was innocent enough. But then the girls mooning comes into focus, as does the tag line, "You won't believe what goes on and what comes off in...". It's no surprise I wanted to watch this one. But as we all know, what one might find funny and titillating as a kid can be very different as an adult - so how does this one hold up?

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Night Shift (1982)

"Oh, that Barney Rubble. What an actor!"

There must have been something in the air between '82 and '83, what with the glut of films that came out involving generally straight-laced guys becoming pimps. Risky Business is probably the best known, while the Dan Aykroyd starring Doctor Detroit is nearly forgotten about at this point. Sitting somewhere in between these two is Night Shift; not exactly a cult classic, but not destitute and dusty on the shelf, either.

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My Best Friend is a Vampire (1987)

"She sucked your what??!"

As if dealing with being a teenager wasn't quite bad enough, American filmmakers decided to throw a whole bunch of other problems into the mix, just to make things that little bit more awkward. It was no surprise that they turned to a few classic horror tropes to mingle with the laughs, resulting in the likes of Teen Wolf and, erm, Teen Witch hitting the screens and causing a ruckus. Comedy horror hybrids were big business in those days, thanks to the likes of American Werewolf in London, Return of the Living Dead and Gremlins, and it made plenty of sense to appeal to the younger market with teen-led films in the sub-genre. My Best Friend is a Vampire is a bit of an odd one then, in that, despite the premise, it nearly entirely eschews the horror elements in favour of out-and-out comedy. 

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Spring Break (1983)

"Beer is like... fucking great, you know?"

Sean S. Cunningham was never highly regarded as a director, despite having a few hits under his belt. Maybe it was the 'follow the money' approach he took to projects that put people off, what with following up his producer duties on Last House on the Left with a string of cash in hits on bigger, and in many ways, better films. Here Come the Tigers was his Bad News Bears. Friday the 13th was his Halloween. And the thing is, the man made no bones about it; he was in it to make hits. And what's wrong with that? Spring Break was his cash grab at the teen sex comedy, which had become a huge money maker for studios in the wake of Animal House and Porkys.

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Tremors (1990)

"I can't believe we said no to free beer!"

To most horror fans, the 90's was the decade that horror died a stinking, oozing death and retreated to the nether-regions of the video shelves, only to crawl out when Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson made it cool again in 1996. By the time 1992 had rolled around, the amount of larger budget horror films getting made were scarce, with companies like Full Moon opting to just go straight-to-video where they knew they could make the serious cash from horror junkies. The low budget filmmakers switched from making horror to more indie-genre fare in the wake of Tarantino and Kevin Smith, seeing that lack of money didn't have to equal lack of talent. It meant that being a horror fan, we didn't have too many really great films to watch. It wasn't all dead in the 90's, though, as a couple of gems managed to sneak through the financing meat grinder and make it to production. One of the best off the starting block for that decade was Tremors.

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Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

"This is bullshit! I want bush, pan down."

We all know the pain and anxiety that goes with starting in a new school or college. Will you make friends quickly? Will you fit in? What if everyone hates you? It is something we have to go through at some point in our youth; be it summer camp, scouts, or simply progressing through the school system. Now, imagine all of those issues, but you also happen to be the lowest member of food-chain; a nerd.

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Jumpin' Jack Flash (1986)

"What, do you think there's a lot of work down on the pier for hookers? Do you think I'm giving blow jobs down there to goldfish?"

Terry Doolittle lives an unusual life for a black woman in an 80's film. She has her own apartment, she goes to her tech job in the bank everyday where she shoots the shit with her co-workers until it is time to clock out. She is smart, funny, and despite the lack of romance in her life, things seems pretty good. She is also great with computers, and in the 1986, that's the equivalent of being a wizard.

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Moving Violations (1985)

"I hit a casket with a puppet stage. What am I doing here?"

In Birch County, California, there is a menace on the roads. In fact, there seems to be dozens of them. Lazy, dangerous and blind sums them up pretty well. Deputy Halik (James Keach; Wildcats, The Long Riders) and his partner Deputy Morris (Lisa Hart Carroll) are determined to get the maniacs off the streets. They are the 'moving violations', and all have their cars impounded and are sent back to driving school for their reckless behaviour. 

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Hot Dog: The Movie (1984)

"I suppose a fuck is out of the question?"

Following in the tradition of "rowdy-underdogs-versus-the-snooty-establishment" laid out by such classics as Caddyshack and National Lampoons Animal House, Hot Dog - The Movie sets itself aside by going for the original enough idea of having the action take place at a ski resort.

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Who's Harry Crumb? (1989)

"Not so fast. I've had my eye on you for a while, lady. I knew you were up to something, and here's my proof: it was you who was having an affair with your husband all along!"

After his daughter has been kidnapped from an exclusive health spa, millionaire P.J Downing (Barry Corbin; Critters 2, The People Across the Lake, Ghost Dad)  turns to his close family friend, Eliot Draisen ( Jeffrey Jones; Beetlejuice, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Easy Money) who happens to be the president of esteemed detective agency, Crumb and Crumb. Unfortunately for Downing, there is nothing esteemed about Harry Crumb (John Candy; Uncle Buck, Armed and Dangerous, Summer Rental), the oafish detective assigned to the case. Harry apparently comes from a long line of great detectives; sadly the genius gene seems to have skipped a generation. You see, Draisen himself is actually the one behind the kidnapping, and putting Harry on the case is only to cover his own ass, figuring he will never solve it anyway.

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Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)

"Eat lead, froggies!"

You ever get the feeling that the film you are watching most likely started out as a porn script? The non-existent budget, the minimal sets and cast, sub par acting, the dodgy sex related plot...These are the factors that set the alarm bells off in your head. It all just seems so, well, porn-ish.

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One Crazy Summer (1986)

"Hey, Hoops, you ever notice how people die in alphabetical order?"

The Summer before I went to college was probably one of my favorites from my teenage years. The exams were done (who cared if you did well or not, you were finished school, fuck it!) and I had a well paying/low maintenace job which meant plenty of disposable income to facilitate my music, film and boozing habits. Three fun-filled months to party away with your friends before many of you went your separate ways with university; some you kept in touch with, others just drifted away over the years. What made it much more memorable was the fact that I finally had the break away from feeling like a kid; I could go to bars, go away on trips with friends, have house parties... hey, I could do whatever the hell I wanted! All of these were the great things that made the end of your teenage years so special. They were fun times, and I had good cause to be happy.

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Sixteen Candles (1984)

"I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek"

It isn't easy being Samantha Baker (Molly Ringwald; Pretty in Pink, The Breakfast Club). She has just turned sixteen, her family has forgotten her birthday, she is insecure about her body, and the hot stud of her dreams seemingly has no idea she exists. To top it off, her grandparents have set up residence in her bedroom as her older sister is getting married the next day. Things don't exactly improve for her when she gets to school. Whilst filling in a sex survey and attempting to pass it to her big haired best friend, Randy (Liane Curtis; Baby, It's You, Critters 2), she accidentally drops it and it ends up in the hands of Jake Ryan (Michael Schoeffling; Vision Quest, Mermaids), who also happens to be the piece of manly meat that she is drooling over. Well, at least he knows she exists now. The problem is, he is already in a relationship with super babe cheerleader Caroline (Haviland Morris; Who's That Girl, Gremlins 2: The New Batch). Even the girls drool over her in the shower.

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Meatballs (1979)

"Is that a bra you're wearing, or are you expecting an assassination attempt?"

Summer camp always looked like the most amazing adventure a teen could have, especially if under the age of 18. Living in cabins in the woods, swimming in lakes, attending campfires, making new friends, defeating bullies, chasing girls... it's no wonder it became a staple coming-of-age setting for many American genre films. Sadly it is a genre that is so purely American that I can't imagine it translating well into any other culture or country. We certainly had nothing like it when I was growing up, nor would I really want to see the likes of this set in the rural Irish countryside. It would probably feel more like a borstal prison film than any ones idea of a fun time.

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The Last American Virgin (1982)

"Come to me my big burrito!"

Released somewhere between Porkys and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Last American Virgin is probably the least remembered, or acclaimed, of the three. It was certainly a good summer for teen sex-comedies, with Zapped, Spring Fever and The Beach Girls also seeing a release that year. Sadly the majority of these films have all but slipped into obscurity at this point, as people tend to remember the John Hughes movies a bit more warmly than the likes of these horny teenager sleaze flicks. But still, The Last American Virgin clings on in the memories of those who have seen it, and for some pretty good reasons.

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