Waxwork (1988)

"Can't a girl get laid around here without being burned at the stake?"

The beauty of simplicity lies at the heart of many a classic 80's horror film. Take a group of teenagers to an isolated location, pit them against some form of evil; sit back and watch the carnage. There is a lot to be said for an un-convoluted setting up of characters and story, and then throwing you into the madness for the remainder of the 85 minute running time. The Evil Dead, The Funhouse, Night of the Demons and a never ending list of slasher films follow this very basic formula. And you know what? It works, for the most part. The ones that failed badly were the ones that lacked the imagination to find an interesting location or bad guy. The trouble was, by the end of the 80's, they were running out of unused locations, national holidays and masked killers.

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Days of Wonder

It was the Saturday morning routine. We would go with our mother to the local shopping centre to visit the library; dropping off old books and picking out a few new ones for the week ahead. With our intellectual needs met, my brother and I got left in the video store whilst mam went grocery shopping. It was one of the few places we were ever allowed be on our own. That usually gave us a good 45 minutes to gaze at the seemingly endless walls of glorious VHS tapes. 45 minutes never seemed like long enough, though. Especially as Saturday was the one night of the week that our folks went out, meaning we had to pick out not one, but two videos to keep us entertained for the late afternoon and evening. The poor babysitter.

The 80's was an interesting decade for young, aspiring film buffs, especially if you were under the age of 12. As we had no access to film reviews, you had three ways of finding out what to rent. One; word of mouth from your school friends. This was always a fairly reliable source; we were all action and comedy junkies, whatever had the most explosions/killings/laughs got a guaranteed rental. Two; the trailers you saw on last weeks videotape. (remember when you actually enjoyed watching the trailers before your film started?) The more trailers before the film, the better. And three; by relying on the box art to sell the film to you. The latter was probably the most common method for sleuthing out our evenings viewing.  The wilder and more imaginative the artwork, the more likely you were to pick the film up. Having an major star like Steve Martin in the film was only an added bonus. And being a curious 9 year old, it was no surprise I was drawn to the more lurid looking teenage comedy and horror boxes. Who could resist the charms of such beauty?

Sadly for me, my mother was quite well aware of what was contained within these tapes. Sometimes she slipped up and we got through a 15 Cert if it didn't look too tawdry. Or sometimes we lucked out completely and my clueless father brought us to the video store instead, resulting in a copy of Aliens or something as equally unsuitable coming home with us. But even if we couldn't always get the ones we wanted, the artwork always stuck in my head, landing somewhere on that invisible list of films that I would continuously go back to when I was a bit older and allowed rent whatever I wanted. Those hours spent in front of the video shelves turned me into the horror junkie I was to eventually become in my early teens, as they were the most taboo ones for my folks to allow us to rent. Saying that though, I probably had enough nightmares as it was with the fantasy films I was watching; they REALLY don't make them like they used to. Kids have it too easy these days.

Horror and comedy tapes became a great past time for me and some of my friends in the early 90's. We had our own (limited) cash, so we were able to rent 2 or 3 tapes in the one night if we wanted to. It was during the peak of Xtra Vision and the death of the independent video store, but to us, it meant 50p for an old rental! Somehow, all the oldies we had wanted to see were still there on the shelves, though some were moving dangerously close to the bargain bin. Some of those films never left the bargain bin, and have sadly never made it to DVD.

These days, you walk into a video store and you are lucky to be able to find any films to rent. Xtra Vision, Chartbuster, and Blockbuster have shrunk away due to the rise in downloading and online streaming. Those that remain deal mainly in current releases, video game rental and mobile phone sales. If I want a film review, I just go online. There are hundreds of free access websites for reviews and previews, without having to go anywhere to stare at the boxes. Not that you would want to anyway; the art of film poster design is as dead as VHS itself.

But hey, times have changed, and in many ways, for the better. We no longer watch our entertainment on 21" screens. Digital technology is affordable, meaning I can pick up copies of Porkys II or Return of the Living Dead, in the proper aspect ratio, fully remastered, sometimes with 5.1 surround sound (!!!) for only a few quid. I would definitely take that over pan-and-scan with poor tracking any day. I guess what I miss most is that element of wonder. That childhood excitement about seeing a film. I still get it when I'm reminded of an old VHS cover, or that rare moment when you see Chevy Chase pop up on TV.

I look forward to re-living some of those moments on this blog. Feel free to stop and stare at the boxes; take as long as you need. Old releases are only 50p for two nights. Just make sure you bring them back on time or you will be fined. And always, ALWAYS, rewind your damned videotapes.