Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1973)

"I peed in my pants!"

I have a couple of films I like to watch around Halloween. Not always every year, but as often as I can. There are some obvious titles that many horror fans go to without fail; John Carpenters Halloween, The Exorcist, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, to name but a few. Those definitely qualify on my top ten horror films of all time, but they aren't the first films I turn to at this time of year. Nope, when the leaves are turning brown and the sound of fireworks grows steadily over the days, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things usually pops into my head.

Leading a theatrical troupe onto an island at midnight, Alan (Alan Ormsby; writer of Deathdream, Deranged: Confessions of a Necrophile) has some funny ideas about what constitutes entertainment. Telling constant stories about the horrid past of the island inhabitants, including the disturbing fate of the previous graveyard caretaker; he is hellbent on rattling the actors in his company. They have only just landed when he unveils the true purpose of their nocturnal trip: to dig up a corpse and raise the dead, with the help of some satanic rites, of course. Some of those in the party seem OK with this plan; Jeff (Jeff Gillen; co-director of Deranged: Confessions of a Necrophile) has no problem digging up a grave. Others are not so enthusiastic, however. Val just wants to leave, and kooky Anya (Anya Ormsby; Deathdream) reckons that messing with the dead will lead to no good.

Luckily for them, it all turns out to be an elaborate prank on the behalf of Alan; the corpse is in fact their acting friend in disguise. The real corpse from the grave has been stashed, along with the caretaker, and Alan decides it's time to get up to some black magic. Using a Grimoire, he recites some passages and uses the dried bloody of an infant to try and ressurect the dead. He has little luck, and is mocked by Terry (Jane Daly; Deathdream) who performs her own version of a ritual. Alan demands that the real corpse, by the name of Orville, be taken back to the run-down cottage near the graveyard. Here they continue to insult the dead by having a wedding between Alan and the corpse, but little do they realise that shit is about to turn nasty. You see, the dead have decided that they DO want to rise from their graves, and begin to tear apart anyone they can get their hands on. The cautionary message is in the title, folks, children really shouldn't play with dead things!

I got my first introduction to Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things in the late 90's, when I saw the trailer on the Exploited release of 'Deranged: Confessions of a Necrophile'. Something about it seemed so lurid and trashy, and for once the film delivered what was promised. The acting is uneven, but I've seen a lot worse. The script is stuffed full of duff jokes: some will make you smirk, others will make you cringe (my wife cried,"This is awful!" at least three times whilst I was re-watching it). The film is dark and grainy; sometimes you can barely make out what is happening on screen. The same goes for the scratchy sound. None of that is really surprising, as it was shot in 11 days for approximately $70,000. What is surprising, though, is how effective the film is.

What the film lacks in technical brilliance it more than makes up for it with the bag loads of atmosphere it has to spare. From the opening near-cryptic scenes of ghouls attacking the caretaker right through to the claustrophobic climax, the film builds a sense of forboding that many filmmakers tend to leave out of zombie films in favour of gore and bloodletting. Slow motion is used effectively, and goes well with the electronic-noodling score and discordant sounds. The moments (slow-coming as they might be) when the zombies do finally burst free from the earth seem well ahead of their time, and are the kind of shots that have been aped in everything from Return of the Living Dead through to Michael Jacksons Thriller. And here-in lies the ace-in-the-hole; the excellent make-up effects. Created by Ormsby himself, they are some of the crumbliest and most imaginative zombies seen that side of Zombie Flesh Eaters. They really do lift it beyond its zero budget roots, and coupled with the atmosphere created by the director, leads the film into a genuinely terrifying climax.

The director is a fairly well known chap by the name of Bob Clark, who went on to make several other classic horror films before hitting it big. The man had a very varied career; his early credits include the underrated Deathdream, and the seminal slasher Black Christmas. He found great success with writing and directing the first two Porkys films, before going on to make his other seasonal masterpiece, A Christmas Story. The 90's and beyond were less kind to him, with sour films such as Baby Geniuses and, ahem, The Karate Dog sullying up his CV, but sadly he was killed in a car crash in 2007, and was unable to regain that lost glory. He had in fact been working on a remake of Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things at the time.

Sure, the film attempts to make you laugh plenty in the first half with its camp antics, and fails more often-than-not. But that shouldn't stop you picking this one up if you have yet to see it. It's a low budget gem that not many die-hard zombie fans are willing to give a chance to. Don't make the same mistake and give it a whirl if you fancy a change of pace from The Exorcist on October the 31st.