Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)

"Listen sister, if I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you."

For myself growing up in secluded, 1980's Ireland, I never really understood what the whole 'Elvira' thing was about. We didn't have horror hosts on our native TV stations, and seeing her presenting her well-loved show certainly wasn't a possibility. I have vague recollections of noticing some sort of 'Elvira presents...' series on VHS, but the only real exposure I had to her cult phenomenon was from staring/drooling at the VHS sleeve above. Sadly, I knew, there was no way my mother was going to let me come home with that one. Even worse was the alternate sleeve (below) which really went for the more obvious sex appeal for the meat-head males out there. So, being deprived of her charms in my youth, just how well does her persona hold up today?

alternate VHS sleeve in the UK. They knew how to market this flick.

Opening on the set of her TV show, Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) is given an ultimatum: sleep with the sleazy new station owner, or get the hell out. Being Elvira, she roughs him up a bit, before deciding to finally make a break for Vegas and her dance show she has dreamt about. Unfortunately, she needs to front up $50,000 herself or they won't allow her show to run. Whats a broke vamp girl to do? Out of the blue she receives notification that her distant aunt has passed away, and left her some goodies in her will. Hitting the road in her 'Macabremobile', she arrives in the hometown of her aunt just as her car breaks down. It doesn't take long for her to rub up the locals the wrong way; they're a bunch of backwards prudes who don't take kindly to women dressing like she does. In fact, they seem to be anti-everything - make up, public displays of affection, even fun in general. 

She soon discovers she has been left her aunts house, a poodle and a very special item - a cook book. Disappointed that it wasn't a pile of money, she begins to fix the place up, little aware that her aunt still haunts the place. Her sinister uncle expresses interest in the cook book, and tries to buy it from her. It's soon revealed that it's a witches spell book, and her uncle wants it for his own evil reasons. In between giving the poodle a punk hairdo and befriending the local kids, she falls for the hunky Bob (Daniel Greene; Hands of Steel) who runs the local cinema. Unfortunately the clock is ticking, and soon the towns people plan on stringing her up and burning her at the stake. Will Elvira be able to keep the book from her uncles clutches? Will she ever bag the muscled dork of a cinema owner? Will she save herself from the pitchfork wielding locals? 

From the start, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark lays on the camp jokes and innuendos heavily, so if you aren't a fan of this kind of comedy, it's best you look elsewhere. It's a brand of groan-worthy humour that doesn't usually do much for me (the likes of the Carry On series would send me running and screaming from a TV set), but in the hands of Cassandra Peterson and the two other script writers, Sam Egan and John Paragon, the film is sharp enough to keep you on the right side throughout. The gags come thick and fast, with genuine 'laugh out loud' moments popping up regularly. Most of the best lines go to Peterson, mixing the valley girl dumb-broad with a welcome sense of street smarts. Sure, there's plenty of gags around her ample chest (when she breaks the chains with her cleavage is one of the best, while the unexpected "Nice tits" remark from an elderly gentleman had me in stitches), but most of the best moments are all about timing and delivery. When asked "how's your head?" after an accident, she bemusedly responds with, "Well, I haven't had any complaints so far!". 

While there are plenty of men in the film pawing after her, the character of Elvira is in total control. In fact, the love story aspect is turned on its head, with the man being the object of desire between two very strong minded, tough ladies as the male character becoming the timid, gentle sex. It feels refreshing to have such a strong female character to root for in a genre film. 

While most of the elements are comedy here, lets not forget it also dips a toe (just the one!) in horror. There isn't much to go with, but it ramps up a bit more in the climax, and we get treated to a demonic stew monster (a lot cooler than it sounds), a lopped off hand and some enjoyable attempts by Elvira to take down her evil uncle, rocket launcher and all. There isn't much that would scare anyone, but there is a fun sense of 'halloween'-ish delight to it all; especially as we get some fun footage from the Corman flick, It Conquered the World and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. It would definitely make a fun 'early on' film for a Halloween marathon, that's for sure. It's not all horror references though, as we get quips relating to everything from The Wizard of Oz through to Flashdance.

Performances are actually solid here, with Peterson leading the bunch. We get a small role for sleazebag extraordinaire Kurt Fuller (No Holds Barred, Waynes World), while Edie McClurg (Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Back to School) is excellent as always as 'Chastity Pariah'. The film looks great, too, with most of that budget going up on the screen. It's nicely shot and the special effects are perfect for this sort of thing. Directed by James Signorelli, the film never really falters throughout, and the jokes are well timed. As they should be; his career is mainly with Saturday Night Live, and it's a pity he didn't do much more work for the big screen.

If it has been a long time since you checked this one out, or never seen it at all, get on it. The soundtrack is full of fun rock tunes and the occasional bit of 'Elvira rap' (I kid you not), and the jokes work for the most part. Do yourself a favour and add it to your Halloween viewing this year. While it might not be high on the scare stakes, it brings plenty of charm and ghoulish fun with it.