Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)

"Eat lead, froggies!"

You ever get the feeling that the film you are watching most likely started out as a porn script? The non-existent budget, the minimal sets and cast, sub par acting, the dodgy sex related plot...These are the factors that set the alarm bells off in your head. It all just seems so, well, porn-ish.

Hell Comes to Frogtown definitely falls into this category. The film is set a few decades after a nuclear war, in which most of the worlds population has been left infertile due to radiation poisoning. As if that wasn't bad enough, the radiation has given frogs a leg-up on the evolution scale, resulting in walking, talking, not-so-friendly humanoid frogs. In a military base somewhere in the desert, a wanted drifter has been hauled into the jails. It is Sam Hell's ('Rowdy' Roddy Piper; They Live) lucky day, though; as it turns out, he is one of the few able bodied men with a normal sperm count. Watched over by the bookish Spangle (Sandahl Bergman; Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja), Sam is to be led into the desert to find fertile females suitable for impregnation. Sure beats spending the rest of his life in jail, and it's for the good of the species, right?

Fitted out with special pants that will electrocute his 'junk' if he tries to escape, Sam heads off in a bright pink humvee with Spangle, her giant glasses and the fiesty Centinella (Cec Verrell; Hollywood Vice Squad, Runaway), who spends her time manning the machine guns and trying to hop into Sams sleeping bag. They haven't gone too far when Sam learns that he has to go rescue a bunch of female captives from the evil Captain Toty (get it? huh?) in Frogtown. As their rescue mission goes increasingly pear-shaped, Spangle gets captured leaving Sam to try and figure it all out himself. Aided by an old outlaw friend, Looney Tunes (Rory Calhoun; Motel Hell, Angel) and a frog stripper, the odds are against Sam escaping alive. Will he finally start thinking for the good of humanity, or will his selfish ways return? Will he get to lay every fertile woman he can handle? Will we finally get to see some of these dang froggies?

Hell Comes to Frogtown is definitely a strange one. It was shelved under 'Action/Adventure' in video stores, though it really does lack on the action front. The dialogue is amusing, though never out-and-out hilarious, and despite the bawdy subject matter, the sex and nudity is kept to a bare minimum. For most of the first hour we just have the three lead actors in the desert, with various gags about Roddy's wang. Things finally kick into gear in the last half hour, when we arrive at Frogtown, and we get to see these frogs we've been hearing about. Surprisingly, the frog effects are quite well executed, with plenty of character coming through the masks and prosthetics. Even then the action is fairly light, though the final fight is well shot, with even an explosion or two. Rory Calhoun livens up the final half hour, which is well needed. With a lack of nudity or action, the films main stumbling block is pacing. The first hour is pretty sluggish, and impatient viewers will probably turn it off. It is a pity, as the film only finds its feet in the last act, and we finally get the film we were promised on the video box art. I can appreciate the budget limitations, but to have no frog action early on seems daft. Casting Piper and not have him kick ass for the first hour seems daft. Making Sandhal wear those glasses in nearly every scene seems daft. 

Despite the uneven tone and genre mash-up, the film is does a few things right. Roddy isn't exactly Pacino or DeNiro, but the man has enough charm to get him through a film. He gets to stand around in his explosive pants a few times, and has a few fun sex scenes with the ladies. Bergman is enjoyable in most films I have seen her in, and she does well here, despite some of the worst costumes I have seen given to a leading actress. Seriously, check out the glasses she has to wear. Ugh. Even with the costume department doing their best to make her look like a librarian turkey, she manages to have a bit of sex appeal, and is a good sport with the several scenes where she has to parade around in skimpy bikinis. Her 'Dance of the Three Snakes' scene is pretty funny, but once again, you could imagine it in the porno version all too well. Cec Verrell doesn't get to do much but look tough and hot, but she gets a few good lines in. She also provides the one real nude scene. 

If you are in the right mood, the comedy and dialogue can be entertaining enough. I'm the kind of guy that will laugh at mutant frog pimps and strippers, so sophistication doesn't come into the equation here. The bad guy sounds startlingly similar to James Earl Jones, and he has probably the best moment in the whole film when he roars, "SHUT YOUR HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE!". As mentioned, the special effects are quite good, despite the budget. Not surprising to see Steve Wang's name on the credits, as he studied under Stan Winston, and has his name on such great creature films as Predator, The Monster Squad and Gremlins 2: The New Batch.

The film is listed as having two directors, Donald G. Jackson and R.J. Kizer. I'm not sure if that is due to re-shoots, but it would seem likely, as Kizer's other directing credit is the U.S. footage shot for Godzilla 1984. Maybe he shot the effects scenes, or it is possible there were issues in post; who knows. Jackson looks to have had a healthy career in the B-Movie world, directing two sequels to this film, along with other work with Troma. He does a good job here, with the film looking nice throughout, and the leads all give good performances. I miss the days when low budget films looked this good. Special note should be made of the fantastic opening credits, Ernest D. Farino who designed them got it spot on.

Even though the film never quite becomes the cult classic it could have been, it still manages to entertain in its own campy way. It has just enough to keep you entertained if you don't expect too much. Six beers should be enough to keep those expectations in check.